the existence
In our mother's womb, we stayed close and anticipated for the moment for us to be exposed to this world. Being a baby, we were incapable of doing anything else except shedding some tears and scream our lungs out. We were, of course, spoon-fed, there is no need for us to torture our uncontaminated brains to work out anything beyond our young understanding. Several years later, we learnt to demand our wants and needs more effectively, of course that must include sulking, screaming, yelling and crying. But even so, all decisions and especially important ones are to be made by our parents or people older than us.
We find little things troublesome, frustrating, fun, upsetting, astonishing, startling, shocking, surprising, confusing and everything else, what we never did realise then was how
little the matter may seem when we grow up. At the age of 8, a pencil gone missing in the classroom might be seen as a major catastrophic event; informing the teacher, suspecting theft, causing anger. What does this mean to an adult? merely nothing at all. lost a pencil? Just replace it with a new one, it won't cost much. Yea, this is what we experience as we grow older. However, everything, every aspect of our life, turns out to be more complexing and complicating as we move on. Matters aren't gonna be just simple problems solvable with little effort. Everytime we make a decision, we gotta be responsible for the consequences. If, unfortunately our judgement had gone wrong in the beginning, who but us must bear the results.
We add new experiences and knowledge to life's database each day as we live. Sometimes, it feels so much easier if we could just stop aging, mentally and physically. I always dream to stay being a child forever, yea laugh at that, just like peter pan and friends in neverland. Well everyone knows that's impossible. Reality strikes us hard in the face, it wouldn't allow time for fantasy. Too bad time is zooming pass so damn fast. I'm already feeling old at this age. Before i knew it, i might even be 40 and still blogging on the same link. Issit just me or is the earth rotating faster and revolving the sun quicker than before?
Labels: thoughts
too free
finally have some time for peace and rest in penang, jus finished this book. filled with intense curiosity and a good plot, definitely a good read, at least it succeeded in keeping me occupied for a couple of nights before bedtime.
on a totally unrelated issue, i had a bad tummy fr morning till an hour ago. blame the curry mee that sis bought for me. too much oil in the chilly, my stomach was in burning pain, can even feel the heat kindling stirring up a battle inside. it was really terrible, but, thanks to some chinese powder-like medication and parents' massages, i'm back on my feet. feels so good to have ppl caring for us when we are sick. :p
Labels: life, recommendations
i am out
i'm now officially out of Utar, just received a letter from them confirming my withdrawal. no turning back now, like i have a choice. everything is practically settled over there (damansara). house rental is secured, electrical appliances r coming, furniture-seeking had been done by joa n xinch. there's no turning back indeed, unless i wanna get myself killed.
all may seem fine but it actually isn't. sumthing had to pop up and cause me to worry sick. while i was away in genting, dis officer from HELP taking care of loan department gave me a call. i was told my loan is for an entire year so while i am taking this loan i can't be applying other loans (ptptn) later on in september. dat's not what he told me during my interview. now where is their consistency in the procedure? he was encouraging me to apply for ptptn in september and here again tis officer is telling me i can't do that and haf to choose only one. she said to call me back again but it has been one whole week n i still have no news abt it. so i am certainly clueless and oh well, no matter what i still have to go through the risk of not getting the loan. to think about it, it was the same with studying in Utar, if without ptptn i wouldn't be able to continue, so why should i get so nervous about HELP, im actually in the same condition all over again. that's rather tiring. Anything regarding financial conflict is always tiring. 9 out of 10 times of the source of my problems remained to be monetary. i'm going there and that's all i better be thinking about. hope is always there if we choose to look in its direction.
Labels: life
